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Love in relationships

With real love, there will be no domination or power play in relationships.


  

 

 

 

 

In real life, we always look to express our love towards others in some tangible way. Only if love is demonstrated in tangible form, it is considered to be love nowadays.

True love is like a communion. It is a resonance between two beings. It can be felt without any expression. It doesn’t need communication because it is already happening as a communion.

When you have to speak to express love, then somewhere there is a lie in it!

If you really love a person, then your very body language will show it. It will be too much to express in words. You will feel that words are inadequate and will only bring down the love that you feel. But if you are using words, then somewhere the love has not really happened. When you have to speak to express love, then somewhere there is a lie in it! You are using the words just to decorate the lie.

Real love liberates because it doesn’t compel you to express it all the time.

Real love liberates because it doesn’t compel you to express it all the time. It just is. Real love also gives you the freedom to freely express what you want to express. You can easily express anything like disapproval or anger and it will not be mistaken for reduced love.

Not only that, with real love, there will be no domination or power play in relationships. Each person will be like a beautiful flower that has blossomed to radiate its unique fragrance, that’s all.

With real love, there will be no fear or insecurity either. In normal love, physical distance between two people causes a lot of insecurity and a lack of trust.

A small story:

A young soldier went to his senior officer and said, ‘Sir, my friend is not yet back from the battlefield. I request permission to go out and get him.’

The officer said, ‘Permission refused. Your friend is most probably dead. I don’t want you to risk your life going there.’

The young soldier went all the same and came back mortally wounded and carrying the corpse of his friend.

The officer was furious. He shouted, ‘I told you he was dead. Now I have lost both of you. Tell me, was it worth going out there to bring a corpse?’

On the verge of dying, the soldier replied, ‘It was, Sir. When I got there he was still alive. He said to me, I was sure you would come.’

Real love doesn’t look for utility. It operates on sheer trust and is also beyond space and time.

These days I see people gifting each other with so many things to show their love. Gifting has become an expression of love. If the gifting happens as causeless overflowing, it is okay. But if it is a condition to be fulfilled, it becomes a problem! Then it becomes a poor substitute for real love.

As long as real love is there, no relationship can become boring. Understand, as long as love is there, every object or person is unique. For example, if the coworker in your office dies, nothing will really stop you in your life. Along with the others, you will console his family members and continue with life, that’s all. But what happens if you are in love with the same coworker who passed away? Life will never be the same again, am I right? Whenever you are in love with some object or person, or somebody is in love with you, the whole relationship becomes unique. Love makes things unique.

For enlightened beings, just because of their very love, they feel everybody is unique.

One of the ashramites* asked me one day, ‘Swamiji, everyday you see all of us, all our mistakes and confusions. It is the same thing for you every day. Are you not bored by us?’ It was a very honest question! I told them, ‘For enlightened beings, just because of their very love, they feel everybody is unique. They do not look at people as mere numbers. They see each one as unique.’

That is why, with so much patience, masters continue to work with everybody. If it were just a matter of numbers, it would be very different. When you have this love, your inner space is such that there is no logical reason behind your actions. You will just feel connected and you will radiate love, that’s all!

Not only that, causeless overflowing love is always total in its expression. It doesn’t carry the usual dilutions of greed or fear. So any person whom you love, you will love totally without any reservations. Irrespective of the way he is, you will love him. When you love this way, even if the person leaves your life, you will not grieve.

When a person passes away, you grieve only because you regret not having loved him completely. You can love him completely only when your love itself is complete. It doesn’t have anything to do with the other person. It doesn’t matter what kind of person he is. That is the beauty of real love. It loves for the sake of love, not for the sake of the other person.

If you are grieving for the loss of a person, be very clear, you are grieving because you missed loving him in totality.

If you are grieving for the loss of a person, be very clear, you are grieving because you missed loving him in totality. If you had loved him in totality, you would say goodbye to him with complete restfulness, not with grief. You grieve only because you missed something somewhere. Even if it is your own father or husband or wife, it is the same. If you had radiated your causeless love to them when they were alive, then when they left there would not be any regret. But if you had loved them with rationalizations, then when they left, the incompleteness of your love towards them would create a hangover, and that hangover is what you feel as grief.

Meditation – feel the Love overflowing in you

Sit down comfortably by yourself and close your eyes.

Focus on your heart region. Exclude everything else. Focus only on the heart.

Visualize your heart as an endless reservoir from where blessings can flow.

Feel every heartbeat deeply. Let every beat resound throughout you.

Between the heartbeats, feel the energy of love happening.

In the deepest parts of your body, mind and soul, the love energy is waiting to be acknowledged.

Invite the love energy of the heart to flow and fill these deepest parts of your body, mind and soul.

Slowly open your eyes.

 

Glossary:

Ashramites – Residents of ashram.

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